Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
