haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
