The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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