Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
