And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
