do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
