oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
