You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
