If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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