As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize