yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
