On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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