Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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