I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
