I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
