I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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