i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
