She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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