She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
