You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
