If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
