I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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