Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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