just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize