i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
