I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize