this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
