At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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