i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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