You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
