it's too hot outside to masturbate.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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