Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
