me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
