the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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