I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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