he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
