Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
