worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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