Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
