She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
