im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
