drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
please come you make the beer taste better
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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