She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
