I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
