What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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