"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
