That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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