Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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