don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
