So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
