I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
