Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
