I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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