I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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