I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
