It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize