I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
