your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
