i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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