Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
