the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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