So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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