it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I looked at my own cervix.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
