so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
