Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
