Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
