it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize