He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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