do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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