Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize