Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
