i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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