I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
