one might say we're banned from that church
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
